Hi all, I’m Harry (They/Them), another of the co-authors of this article. I’m a non-binary Queer Masters by Research student, and I’m passionate about elevating the voices of LGBTQ+ people to improve the lives of LGBTQ+ people. I was assigned male at birth so my perspective of being non-binary is influenced by my navigation of the non-binary identity and Queer spaces as someone who is often perceived to be male and the difficulties that people like me may face.
Being non-binary and the non-binary identity is complicated but so incredibly special. For myself, it’s about sitting outside the gender binary. I’m not male, and I’m not female, I’m somewhere in between and I’m happy with that. For others, their perspectives of non-binary identities is more complex. It’s much harder to explain to someone that your gender identity falls outside the perceived gender binary as society has over thousands of years reinforced a very set perception of gender.
Imposter syndrome
From conversations, I know that an issue faced by many non-binary students is imposter syndrome. This is defined as “a pattern of psychological experiences in which a person doubts their accomplishments and experiences and has persistent internalised feelings of being exposed as a fraud” (Langford & Rose Clance, 1993; Mak, et al., 2019). For myself imposter syndrome commonly takes the form of not feeling “trans enough” to be trans and not “cis enough” to be cis and there are several factors that fuel this.
Firstly, society sees identity, both cis and trans, as binary. There is a narrative that binary trans people are “born in the wrong body” and for a lot of cisgender people (people who’s gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth), this helps them better understand the trans experience, as a person wanting to move along the gender binary to one that better fits how they feel “on the inside”. In reality, this narrative is quite damaging to trans and non-binary people. It makes it more difficult to identify as being trans, as a lot of non-binary people have that detachment from their assigned gender at birth but never feeling you’re “trans enough” because you don’t feel that “want” to move along the gender binary and are instead happy somewhere in between. It’s also harder to explain your identity to someone who’s understanding of gender is set in the binary. You have to begin by having that conversation that gender isn’t binary and then from there explaining that your identity falls outside the binary and is in fact on a gender spectrum that is much more fluid.
Secondly, there is a common narrative that trans people change their names, hate their bodies and wish to hide or change it, and this causes them distress, known as gender dysphoria. While this is the case in some non-binary people, those non-binary people who choose not to change their names, or do not experience dysphoria (or have small amounts of dysphoria) may feel that they aren’t “trans enough”, as they may feel that they aren’t fitting into what society expects a non-binary and trans person to feel about themselves. It’s also difficult to escape a gender binary when names can be so gendered and it creates an expectation about your gender when other people hear it which you have to overcome before even introducing yourself.
Again for myself, as someone who has only a small amount of dysphoria that is often not noticeable on a day to day basis, I can more or less freely wear what I want and not worry too much about how it may affect my dysphoria. This however, fuels my imposter syndrome because I hear other trans and non-binary folk talk about their dysphoria and how they struggle and overcome it, but when I compare it to my own experiences, as mentioned above, I often feel “not trans enough” because my dysphoria has less of an impact on me. It is the case that any amount of dysphoria someone may experience is valid and it doesn’t invalidate your identity as a non-binary person.
Thirdly, there is an expectation that non-binary people need to dress androgynously to fit the stereotype that non-binary people are somewhere in the middle of the gender binary and when you don’t dress a particular way you “aren’t trying hard enough” to “look non-binary”. Comparing ourselves to others can also fuel “imposter syndrome”. When you see other “more androgynous” non-binary people, it may begin to make you think that you could be more androgynous to better present yourself as a non-binary person. In reality non-binary people do not owe anyone androgyny, and we should be comfortable presenting ourselves however we want to and be happy with that.
Fourthly, there is a narrative from some circles of society that trans people are not actually their chosen genders and are instead “faking it” or are not meeting the required gender stereotypes to be perceived as their identity. This can create a lot of self-doubt about the authenticity of your identity and can be damaging to both cis and trans people, including non-binary people. Are you meeting that expectation of being far enough away from either end of the gender binary that you are perceived as being transgender and/or non-binary? This feeling is more present in spaces for women and minority gender identities. As an assigned male at birth masculine non-binary person, you can sometimes feel out of place and question the legitimacy of your identity. These spaces are meant for people who are often systematically oppressed by the patriarchy, but as a masculine non-binary person, I unintentionally benefit from the patriarchy, for simply having been assigned male at birth. At the same time by identifying as non-binary, you do become disenfranchised by the patriarchy, by relinquishing your identity as a male, so maybe these spaces are for me (of course they are!).
Finally, for assigned male at birth non-binary people, there are the issues of toxic masculinity. There is a lot of pressure from society to “be a man” and for some assigned male at birth people it can be difficult to have the space to safely explore your identity when there is an expectation that you must fit into society “as a man”. There is also a severe lack of assigned male at birth masculine non-binary representation in general and this means a lot of assigned male at birth masculine non-binary people often don’t feel “trans enough” because “people like me can’t exist” or “I’m just a feminine guy”. When an assigned male at birth non-binary person does try to present differently from the stereotypical male standard by presenting as more androgynous through clothing and make-up, they are often perceived as a cis gay man or trans woman instead. From personal experiences as someone with long hair, who enjoys wearing skirts and dresses, painting my nails or doing my hair, I am often perceived as a cis gay man instead of a non-binary person who is expressing themselves, wearing the clothes they want to wear.
Solutions
Despite all these factors that underpin imposter syndrome, we non-binary folk keep going! This is because our identity is valid, no matter how we choose to identify.
It’s important to remember that cisgender people do not feel a detachment from their assigned gender at birth, unlike trans people. Most cisgender people will think about their gender identity, acknowledge that it isn't something that differs for them and then move on. If you feel like you are not a binary identity then you are not a binary identity. If you feel you are non-binary then you are non-binary.
Socially, it's important to surround yourself with those who accept and celebrate your identity. Some of my happiest moments have been surrounded by those who are LGBTQ+ and make me feel happy and confident in my skin no matter what! People like this are usually found on campus in spaces for LGBTQ+ students, like LGBTQ+ societies and student networks and off campus in local trans groups.
