Hi there, I’m Reo, one of the co-authors. I’m a non-binary lesbian who uses they/them pronouns. I am also an International student from Eastern Europe, so my perspective on living in the UK as a trans person is influenced by the fact that I grew up in a very homophobic, transphobic, and hyper-religious country, at least when compared to the UK.
Being non-binary can be really confusing. Not only for the people around you, but also for yourself. It’s this weird in-between of just always asking yourself ‘am I a man? Am I a woman? Am I both? Am I neither? Somewhere in-between?’ and never really quite figuring it out. Then there’s the issue of the transness of being non-binary - yes, objectively, we all know that non-binary people sit under the trans umbrella. But then comes the complication of asking yourself, on top of everything else, ‘am I just trans(binary)? Or am I just a cis person who’s pretending?’ - and from there you fall into the trap of imposter syndrome, which is so hard to climb out of. Not quite trans enough to sit with your trans binary siblings, but too queer for cis people.
I think, to some extent, you do have to come to terms with the fact that you will never quite fit in. Not perfectly, anyway. But you do find most of your solace, love, and understanding in your other trans siblings, whatever their identity might be. I was once asked what my favourite part about being trans is - it’s other trans people. The freedom I feel to be myself around other trans people is genuinely one of my most favourite things in the world, the openness and mutual understanding that you just... get each other. A good way to go about this is to get in touch with your Uni’s LGBTQ+ Society or Network, connect with your local trans community, and explore what other local groups are available until you find your place. These people can become your second family away from home.
One of the trickiest things about being non-binary is gender presentation. People tend to demand androgyny of you, which, a lot of the time, is difficult to achieve, and either way not something that works for everyone. Non-binary people do not have to dress a certain way, just as men and women do not have to dress a certain way. While a bit cliche, it is true that clothes have no gender - not only in contexts of queer discourse, but also culturally. What is feminine for one culture might be masculine for another, and vice-versa; usually, our understanding of masculine and feminine gender markers is very Euro-centric. For example, I usually dress quite femininely, but opt for wearing oversized clothes as it helps with my dysphoria - and even with a skirt on, my Eastern European mother would scold me for dressing too ‘boyish’, while I’m deemed too feminine to be non-binary by a lot of people in the UK. You will never be androgynous enough or feminine enough or masculine enough for everyone around you, so just dress how you like. Dress how it makes you comfortable, how it quiets your dysphoria. How you’d look in the mirror and say ‘yes, that’s me’.