Tips for non-binary students from non-binary students

General advice

• No matter your identity, you should always be comfortable in your own skin.
• Coming out is always a bit difficult for so many reasons. Only do so if you’re ready, and never let anyone pressure you into making that decision. Remember that you don’t have to be out to everyone, if the situation doesn’t allow it.

The concept of a "chosen family"

• Although this may not be the case for all non-binary students, for those that do not have supportive families, remember that your chosen family should be those who are most supportive and welcoming.

• This article contains research into LGBTQ+ refugees and their biological vs chosen families.

• Find people who love, cherish and accept you for who you are and surround yourself with those people, because everyone deserves to be loved and appreciated at the end of the day.

• Having a good support system at uni really helps with that balance between family life and uni life.

Hiding, masking, and living a double life

• Balance is incredibly important. Hiding and masking can become incredibly overwhelming. You have different parts of life that feel cut in pieces, but a you age, it gets easier to merge things together, without jeopardising your sense of self.

• You may identify as non-binary, or queer in general, which encourages people’s expectations for you to constantly advocate for this, and speak on behalf of everyone who deserves more support than they might be getting. But always remember that you’re not obligated to be an activist, and there’s only so much you can do.

• The pressure and burden that comes from this can deteriorate your own mental health and wellbeing. No matter what, that comes first, as well as your overall health

Microaggressions, discrimination, and hate crimes

• Ensure you're around allies and LGBTQ+ friendly spaces at uni to reduce the risk of any discriminatory behaviour.

• If anything arises, try and alert your university if possible. If you would prefer to stay anonymous then communicate that with them. Some universities have Report + Support available which allows you to do this. Other universities may have different measures in place.

• Even if the issue comes from a member of staff, the university should be made aware of this. They're trained to respect all students and their backgrounds, so it is unacceptable for them to display any discrimination.

• It may be hard for you to speak up in the moment. A further piece of advice is to try and communicate any issues in a format you’re more comfortable with, for example via emails. Whether you send a polite message, or provide educational context, ensure your voice is heard somehow

• Keep in mind that despite anything that has happened, you don’t always have to challenge it, especially if the situation doesn’t allow it. In addition, it's not your responsibility to always defend your identity. It’s important to stand up for yourself, but it doesn’t have to be every time, and can be draining.

• Sometimes, you may want to assess the situation, and see if it’s worth pointing out. This might be based on how much it affects you personally, or how frequent it is, or how close you are to the individual/group.

• Our content package contains all sorts of toolkits and articles about different issues transgender and non-binary students might face, and how to deal with them best, so please take a look at them.

• Always check your universities for the types of support offered. Talking to staff who are either LGBTQ+, or allies is often helpful, as they provide an impartial ear to the troubles you may face at university. It can be an isolating experience at times, so reach out if it ever gets too much. You should never have to deal with this alone. Like us, there are others who understand the difficulties, and will most definitely hear you out without dismissing your problems.

Self care advice

• Remember, just because you’re nonbinary, it does not mean you cannot practice self-care the same way everyone else does.

• People have found things like peer groups and support groups helpful, to discuss issues specifically around your gender identity in a safe space, with people who might understand too.

• Embrace LGBTQ+ culture and try to engage with the community (if you’re comfortable doing so). Especially for those who aren’t “fully out”, in that you may not have come out to everyone around you for various reasons. Regardless, you deserve to feel pride and joy in your identity, and celebrate this with similar people. You may be hidden from certain people, but in a safe space with LGBTQ+ folks, you can be as open as possible.
• Trans joy, a certain pride taken from the fact that you are trans/non-binary, is seen as vital.
  • This news article discusses the importance of celebrating your gender identity.
  • This article discusses trans joy as a form of resistance.

• Physical health is always number one. Try to make sure you’re eating enough meals, drinking water, and maintaining a routine if needed. Sleep is incredibly important, as well as breaks when necessary. If anything is amiss, always reach out and let someone know.

• It's fine to not be out, or be in “incognito mode” if you’re not ready to share your gender identity. There shouldn’t be any pressure, whether you're not ready or you just don't want to. There’s no shame in staying closeted, just as someone might be happier when out.

• Some people thrive by being fully “out”, and others feel more comfortable and safe in the closet until it's the right time. If you can figure that out, then decide yourself how “out” you want to be, without other people influencing that decision.

• With self-care, there’s no rush to do everything straight away to instantly make yourself feel better. There’s no rush to join all sorts of LGBTQ+ social or support groups or instantly fix any issues you may have with your sleep or amounts of exercise. In the same way, there's no expectation to do self-care in a certain way or do some parts sooner rather than others.

• There’s no one way to approach self-care. It’s only through taking time and trying out different things that you find what works for you and what doesn’t and that's alright. Little steps do go a long way with this stuff and that’s always important to remember.

For more resources and information

• Our article hasn’t gone into much detail surrounding sexual health, but this website has some great resources and clinics for further guidance. It also links to other resources such as gender identity services, housing support, sports advice and more: https://www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/trans-people/resources

• General resources for non-binary folks, including key dates in the non-binary community, helplines, and more information: https://www.akt.org.uk/resources/resources-for-the-non-binary-community/

• For allies, here is a very helpful article about different ways you can be supportive of your non-binary friends, with some educational information too: https://www.stonewall.org.uk/news/10-ways-step-ally-non-binary-people

Being non binary doesn't mean we're all the same, so some of our advice and suggestions may not apply, or might not work for you. We recommend trying the things that make most sense to you now. Research any issues you might have, as the internet is your best friend. Little worries like what your partner should call you (if you don’t like using boyfriend or girlfriend), are a quick search away. Keep trying different things, and remember that it’s a journey and a process.