Are you early in your transition? Here's a separate article with tips for you.
This article is made up of my own advice, collated from my own experiences being non-binary, along with over a decade of interacting with trans and non-binary folk, as well as charities and professionals that support and advocate for them. It also contains the advice and experiences of trans+ people that have gifted their voice to this article. By doing so I hope that a broad range of advice is presented and regardless of what your transition journey looks like, you can take something away from this.
This article will undoubtedly not cover everything that someone could experience, when they are thinking of coming out because everyone’s experiences are so unique, so remember to reach out for support wherever you can, and whenever you may need it.
If you don’t take anything else away from this article, take away the following:
Transitioning and coming out is an important journey
Take your time, there’s no rush.
It can be a hard journey to make, but you will come out of it on the other side stronger and happier.
It’s alright to make mistakes or change your mind on things
Be kind to yourself
Be safe
There’s no right way to transition
1. Gauging the views of others
It is important to gauge whether or not it is safe to come out before you decide to. Subtly asking questions or making comments that give insight into a person’s level of acceptance can be a good way to do this. Some examples would be “There was someone who came out as trans/nonbinary at my school/work and I don’t know how to feel about it. What do you think?” or “There’s been a lot of talk about trans people in the news lately, huh?” Something along those lines could prompt a person to share their views on the trans community. Remember that if coming out would harm you in any way there is no need to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for who you are.
2. Actually coming out
Once you’ve determined if it’s safe to come out you can decide how you want to do it. It can be a difficult conversation to have, even if you know people will accept you. If it would be hard to have the conversation out loud for any reason you can write a letter instead. This can be an easier way to say everything you want to without interruption.
Don't come out to everyone at the same time. Do it gradually. Start with people you trust the most, and end with being public. If you feel that's not fully safe for you, you can not come out fully but just pick a neutral name and say it's a nickname that your friends use for you. If you're dependent on someone, create yourself a larger support group and if family is involved have a plan in case they are unsupportive.
It’s important to stress that coming out also can be fun if you’re with the right people. You can make a creative display, card, cake, etc. stating your identity instead. There are many different ways you can come out, and every one is valid. It’s up to you to decide the way you think would be best in your situation.
3. Life after coming out
After coming out you can expect people to have questions about your identity. It’s up to you how little or how much you want to share. If a question makes you uncomfortable, you are not required to answer it. For a lot of trans and non-binary people, there is never just one time that you come, instead you may find that you never stop having to come out, introducing your identity to those around you whenever you introduce yourself. However and whenever you do this, it’s important to remember that you never have to tell anyone anything you don’t want to and that can change each time you do choose to come out to someone.
Conclusion
If you’ve made it this far, I hope you’ve found the article useful. Undoubtedly I have not covered everything there possibly is in terms of advice for trans people, who are looking to come out soon, but I think there’s very few resources (if any) that can ever cover absolutely every piece of advice on the subject. Any advice that people use at any stage of their transition should come from many different sources, created by many different people, all covering many different trans and non-binary experiences. So I implore you to seek advice from as many different sources as possible to build up a great range of experiences to not only aid you in your transition but to also feel more connected with your community.
