Navigating grief and loss

Loss and dealing with grief is never easy, especially when you’re about to start university for the first time.

6 months before my A-levels, and 9 months before I started university, over Christmas time I suddenly lost my dad. It was totally out of the blue, there were no signs, so it felt like my entire world had been shattered out of nowhere.

I was already nervous about starting university, and the big change I would be facing as I moved to a totally different city. I was also worried about how my mum would deal with it, as all my life it had been us as a close three. In order to stay connected with my loved ones while at university, I try to call my family as often as I can, as well as go home when I can. Knowing that they’re only a phone call or a facetime away is comforting, and makes me feel less alone.

One thing that kept me motivated was me wanting to make my dad proud. During my 18th birthday a month before he passed away, he had stood up in front of my entire family and friends and spoke about how incredibly proud he was of me and how far I’d come in life. Then just a month later to the day, he was gone. I knew that my dad would have wanted me to stay strong and keep going despite the pain I felt, so I did. It was difficult, but I made sure I went to university, like he wanted me to.

Another thing is that they’re never truly gone – I love talking about my dad and keeping his memory alive. I often share memories of my dad, like when my friends are talking about their families, I never feel awkward about mentioning him. I never feel as though I ‘shouldn’t’ talk about him, just because he isn’t with us anymore. I love talking about him, it keeps him alive in my heart. I have pictures of my dad put up in my room too, and I have a ring made of his ashes that I keep on my shelf. I also have one of his favourite football team’s mascot toys that he owned with me. As well as all of this, I look so much like him, I physically see him within myself every day. I have his surname, I know he is always with me, no matter where I go.

You are never alone, and there will always be people there to support you. I was fortunate enough to find amazing friends at university, who became a huge support circle for me through the hard times. I think that having a supportive community of good friends around you is so important. I met my best friends 9 months after losing my dad, so the grief still felt really raw. Without them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, they’ve lifted me back up during the hardest times of my life. I’m really grateful for the support they’ve given me through my grief, whether they are actually aware of it or not.

Even now, two years since my dad passed, there are still hard times – there always will be – but it does get easier. I find that perhaps what I needed to help me get through my grief and learn to live with it, was to move to a new city and start a brand new chapter of my life.

If you are dealing with your own grief, remember you are not alone. Make sure to reach out to your university support services and look at the Student Space resources around grief and loss, you don’t have to deal with this alone. Because you're not alone.