University is often framed as a place to learn, grow and have fun. But for bereaved students - whether the loss occurred earlier in life or during your studies - these expectations can sometimes stand in sharp contrast to how you feel. It can be lonely and overwhelming as you try to navigate the ups and downs of grief in a constantly changing environment, especially when not many other young people have experienced grief before. You may feel set apart from peers who don’t understand or have the tools to support you.
I experienced this myself, after losing both my brother and my dad. It’s easy to feel alone, but you’re not. We may not be very good at talking about it, but there are actually lots of students out there with experiences of grief.
It will be different for everyone, but here are some key themes that have come up in conversations I’ve had with bereaved students over the years:
Moving away from home
Living in an unfamiliar environment and away from your usual support network can be tough. Some people describe grief as feeling similar to homesickness, and these things together can be a lot to process. Moving out also comes with a number of responsibilities, such as cooking, cleaning and organising your own schedule – these everyday things can be overwhelming when you’re grieving. Some people feel guilty about being away from home, while others may see university as a welcome distraction and opportunity for a fresh start.
Student lifestyle
There can be a lot of pressure at university to have the ‘best time of your life’. It can be hard to live up to those social expectations as you may have less energy or not be in the mood. You may feel like you’ve had to ‘grow up fast’ and this may make you feel disconnected from peers who seem more carefree.
On the other hand, a busy social life can be a great distraction and a reminder that life is good. It’s important to let yourself have fun, but be mindful of unhealthy habits like drinking too much alcohol or not sleeping enough, which can make it harder to manage grief in the long run.
It can be a rollercoaster, but it’s possible to meet people who get it, and find things that bring you joy, even if that is different from what we expected from your time at university.
Academic pressures
Your course may provide distraction and give some structure and something to focus on in an otherwise unstable time. But it can also be hard to stay motivated and manage workload alongside the stress and emotional toll of grief. Studies have shown that grief can affect your energy levels, memory, and concentration, so be kind to yourself if your productivity or grades have dropped.
Remember you can speak to staff at the university, and you may be able to get extensions, mitigating circumstances, and other support.
Dealing with transitions
University can be a place to start figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life. For many, it signifies a new independence and the start of adult life. Even for older students, you are likely to be experiencing big transitions as you embark on your course. This can be exciting, but it can also bring a lot of uncertainty. This uncertainty may be amplified by the emotional turmoil and existential questions that often come with grief, and the people you normally turn to to help you feel more stable may not be here.
While it can feel overwhelming, many students share that grief has also been a process of self-discovery, and helped them prioritise what really matters and build resilience for the future.
If the loss occurred while at university
If someone from your university dies, the environment can start to feel overwhelming or sombre, like a constant reminder of what’s happened. The experience may shift the dynamics of your social group - it may deepen relationships, but it can also lead to tensions and misunderstandings.
Your whole perspective of the world can change when someone dies. You may feel unsure how to continue with your studies, and guilty for the moments you are having fun. It can be tough, but it is possible to rediscover the good parts of university life even as you process the loss.
Getting support
There is no right of wrong way to grieve, and there is no timeline. It’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling. While it’s going to be different for everyone, there are some things that can help make your grief journey a bit easier. You can find some tips on the Student Grief Network website, here: Tips for managing grief - The Student Grief Network
If you are looking for further support, you can find out what your university offers via the University Directory, or take a look at further support available to you.
