This article shares a bit about how losing someone to suicide can feel particularly complicated and bring its own unique challenges. We also share some tips and resources that may be helpful if you have been bereaved by suicide.
Grieving someone who has died by suicide
We tend to think grief is about sadness and missing a person, and while this might be part of grief, it’s usually more complex. Losing someone can lead to a whole range of emotional and physical responses, as well as impacting your routines, relationships, sense of identity and ability to focus on studies or work. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to grieve and there is no time frame.
What is grief?
Tumultuous emotions
It’s normal to experience intense emotions when grieving - from sadness and heartbreak, to shock, confusion and helplessness. It’s also normal to sometimes feel numb and disconnected.
Emotions like guilt, anger, regret and blame are also really common for those bereaved by suicide. Maybe you are angry at the person for their actions or at society for ‘letting this happen’. Maybe you feel guilt or regret for not knowing that the person was struggling, or not doing more to support them. Many people look for someone or something to blame, perhaps as a way of trying to understand the tragedy.
The pain of losing the person can be amplified as you remember or imagine what they were experiencing. You may feel like you’re not only grieving their death, but grieving for elements of their life too.
There is no right or wrong way to respond to a loss, and there is no timeframe, so try to let go of expectations and be kind to yourself. Try to accept whatever thoughts or feelings you experience as part of the process.
Stigma, secrecy and fear
There’s still a lot of stigma and secrecy around suicide which can make it hard to talk about.
The phrase ‘committed suicide’ makes it sound like a crime. Language is important - try saying ‘died by suicide’ instead. This can help reduce shame and make it easier for those affected.
You may also struggle to speak about it because you’re scared of giving ideas to those who are struggling and leading to further harm. Many people feel on high alert after suicide loss, worried that the people around them are not okay. Or perhaps that you are not okay, and worried about where that may lead.
Remember it’s okay to talk about, and there are many places you can go for support, within your university, as well as with external organisations (see below for some suggestions).
We may feel unsure how to remember and honour their life
It can be hard to remember someone without always focusing on the painful parts of their life and death. We may struggle to honour them, think of happy memories, and talk about them as a whole person. This is normal, but should get easier with time and as you express and process your grief.
It’s common to have had a complex relationship with someone who has died by suicide, perhaps because of, or impacted by, their mental health. It’s okay to remember both the good and bad - one doesn’t cancel out the other.
Getting support
Grief doesn’t follow a straight line, but over time, many people find the intensity softens. It’s okay if some days feel heavier than others - processing grief isn’t about “getting over it”, but learning how to carry it. There are a number of things that can support us through this process, from talking to people, journaling your thoughts, spending time in nature, or simply allowing yourself to feel without judgement.
You can follow the below links to see some tips for coping, or other resources and organisations that may help you navigate the ups and downs of grief:
Tips for managing grief - The Student Grief Network
- Suicide bereavement support/ resources:
- If you are feeling suicidal:
Further support for bereaved students
Page last reviewed:
April 2025
